Old 10-18-2013, 02:35 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
wordwrap
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Hawley, MN
Posts: 6
Unhappy Does this dry drunk behavior mean he will relapse?

Hello , this is my first post so I hope I can make my point without babbling too much :/
I have been with my ABF for 2 years. When I met him he had been sober for nearly a year. I was very naïve about alcoholic behavior because I had had recently ended a 22 yr marriage with a nondrinker.
I knew he had issues with anxiety as I did and I think that brought us together.
I trusted his sobriety and was floored when he relapsed about 8 months into our relationship. He has since been on a consistent pattern of relapse and sobriety, every two months or so. He has relapsed nine times in one year.

During that time he managed to be sober for 4 mo in a row. He attended in- patient treatment and showed progress, but then said he didn't need any more time in treatment. He seemed be more humble and kind and so I let him move in with me. But then it would start again.
And each time it ended up with the same scenario. He would be ok for about 2 weeks and then he would start to pick at me, subtly insulting me. He would get upset if I didn't sleep naked with him, or snuggle a certain way to show him I liked affection. He wanted to be with me all the time and I felt smothered. I didn't feel like calling friends or family because I thought he would get mad if I did. Eventually, I would get this feeling in my gut that I really couldn't handle this man or his issues. I do love him, but it was sooo much work to have a good day. Eventually I would explode ( I admit this was stupid of me). and he would move out or I would ask him to leave and he would relapse. Then Drink for weeks, end up sleeping in his car, pawning everything, end up in the hospital etc. I would feel sorry for him and I always hoped this would be his rock bottom. So I would take him back.
This all happened again here the other day. He seemed form the outside to be doing all the right things, but every time I asked him if we could talk about his drinking and his plans for treatment of some kind, he would literally talk over me and change the subject. If I persisted he would tell me I was bringing up the past, being cruel and abusive. He constantly discounted things I needed to talk to him about , like texting other women.. etc. he would deny then keep denying and get overly aggressive in the way he talked to me.
Even tho he has been sober and appears to be doing good things, I am smart enough to know that if I couldnt talk to him about something he says he is done with (drinking) without him getting very angry, that he hasn't really got any plans to change. (Or else he figures if I get upset, he has a good excuse to start again ).
He doesn't drink every day. he can go for a few wks/months and he will drink every day for two or three weeks.. usually ending up in the ER. this has always confused me because he claims he has no desire to drink when he is around me. But then he starts in with these weird behaviors and I tell him I wont tolerate it and we argue and I ask him to leave. Then he goes off to drink somewhere.
I am exhausted mentally. Is this just typical dry drunk behavior that I am supposed to be patient with?
Or is this a manipulative cycle? Is he really trying like he says? Any advice would be appreciated. This is an amazing group of selfless people that I truly admire. Thank u all ahead of time
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