BC
This was an extremely honest post. It was refreshing.
Quite honestly, it doesn't matter to me whether anyone stays with their husband or leaves. It's none of my business and really.....it has absolutely zero impact on my life. Everyone has their own tolerance level. I suspect that if the list above continued to accumulate over years......you might reach a breaking point. And hopefully that won't happen. Hopefully your husband is on a positive path so that you can find solid footing for a long and loving marriage.
Unfortunately there are some who sit in a place of denial or martyrdom indefinitely......looking to others on the forum for sympathy....and then they become frustrated when they don't receive said sympathy. We see them come and go on the forum (for those of us who have been here for a long time) and sometimes we lose patience and become abrupt trying to hasten the poster's "process". Sometimes those abrupt statements will shake a person out of their denial....sometimes it simply makes them defensive and/or leave.
Many of the folks here on SR have years (in some cases decades) of experience with addiction. Some have experienced multiple loved ones with the disease of addiction....some are in recovery from addiction themselves. That experience is priceless. They take their time to give back.....not because they have to......but because they were once where others were and they have hearts as big as all outdoors. They can see BS in a split second and some are quite good at calling people on it. They aren't trying to be mean.....they are telling their truth as they see it.
I am rooting for those who are succeeding with recovery TODAY. I am saddened by relapses. I am (above all) supportive of those who choose to have the courage to change themselves and look inward for answers rather than holding on to the expectation that life will improve if others around them will change. The most basic concept that we hope to impart is that life can be good........whether the addicted loved one continues to use or not.
You and your husband have much to overcome. I am rooting (and praying) for you both. There is no shame in trying to work things out....just as there is no shame in deciding that a limit has been reached.
gentle hugs
ke