My list is probably as long, a lot of the items are different, but many are the same. And yes, I do see why people may look at us and think we are freakin bananas. Why would we put ourselves through all of this pain, headache and fear? Why do this to ourselves?
And if people think I'm nuts for staying in this relationship, that is okay. It doesn't bother me. But they don't know my story either.
A few weeks after I met my husband I started to get very sick. Very very sick. My whole body ached, I couldn't breathe, my stomach started swelling, I couldn't keep food down. Eventually I would just fall over, I had no strength, and then I started coughing up blood. I lived like this for almost three months, went to 5 different doctors, and none of them could figure out what was wrong with me. After almost three months, my primary care doctor finally figured out what was wrong - my heart was failing. I nearly died, was on a transplant list for a long time, but eventually pulled through. Now, only 4 years later, I have normal heart function.
And guess what, after only knowing me for a few weeks, my husband stayed with me, took care of me, and never left my side. He was there to catch me when I fell over. Even sat in the bathroom with his back to the shower just in case I passed out. He woke up in the middle of the night when I couldn't breathe and rushed me to the emergency room. He stayed outside of the ICU for 2 days, and never left.
HE SAVED ME. I know I couldn't have gotten through that without him. And that man is the man I fell in love with. That man is who my husband really is. And that is why I am still in this relationship. He is sick, he has a disease, and I will not walk away from him while he is getting help. Honestly, I almost walked away from him last week, and I'm not sure if I would have come back. I am still unsure about the future. But today, I saw the man I fell in love with for the first time in a very long time. He is slowly coming back to life. And I won't walk away from him if there is still hope, regardless of the things he has done in the past.
So that's my story, and that answers the question "why?". We all have our reasons, but the reasons don't really matter, do they? We are who we are, we love who we love, we stay if we want to stay, and we leave when we are ready. So I don't think any of us need to make decisions because others think we need to, and we surely don't need to feel bad about staying in a relationship with someone who has hurt us. We all need to make the decision that is right for us, whether that means staying in the relationship or leaving and never turning back. And I will support each and every person's choice regardless of my personal feelings, because that is what we do here. Support each other
