Thanks for all the responses and support.
Even though yesterday felt like a disaster, I went back to the detox facility tonight for visiting hours. I know this is very difficult for him, and I was okay today and could handle him lashing out in anger, if that is what it came to again. I still want to support him while he is getting help. I think turning my back on him because he went a little crazy yesterday is a bit extreme, and he is getting help. The situation may not be the one I hoped for, but he is getting help, and that is a big, very big step for him.
I was really nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't sure if he and I would be by ourselves, or if there would be someone monitoring us, or if there would be a ton of people visiting other patients. I was expecting the worse, but to my surprise, things couldn't have gone better.
There were only a handful of other patients with visitors, which automatically made me feel sorry for the ones who had no one there to visit them. What can I say, I have a big heart? Anyway, my husband and I sat together and talked for an hour. He was irritated at first, said he feels trapped, like he is in prison. And he hates the psychiatrist (go figure). But instead of me telling him not to feel like that, I asked "why?" He said the psychiatrist tells him what he needs to do and won't let him express how he is feeling. Not sure if he is being honest or not, but if that is the case I wish the doc would let him express his feelings. He bottles things up inside, and letting it all out is GOOD. So I just encouraged him to share as much as possible in group therapy.
I told him that the season premier of The Walking Dead was awesome, and he begged for me to tell him what happened. He sad there for 10 minutes, listening intently like a child listening to a scary story by a campfire. That made me very happy, to see him so interested in something so simple. He is so excited about hearing what happens on this weeks episode. I might even buy him the comics so he won't be so bored.
He also told me that the doctor put him on a mood stabilizing medication. I think that is great that his doc is trying a mood stabilizer. Maybe it will help. I didn't push him to spill his guts, but halfway into our visit he just starting talking about how he was feeling about all of this. He was frustrated with himself, he's been beating himself up over putting himself and me in this situation, and he knows he has been hurting the people who love him most, simply because we are there and everyone else has abandoned him. He apologized and said he would really try to communicate in a healthy manner rather than losing it like he did yesterday. We talked about inpatient rehab, and he has decided that he is definitely going to go. But what he said next was the biggest step I have ever seen him take.
He asked me, "What if it doesn't work? What if I fail?". My heart nearly crumbled, but I held it together. He is terrified of going to rehab because he already thinks he will fail! Why did I not figure this out sooner?! I told him to try not to think that way, and that if in 28 days he doesn't trust himself to leave rehab, or if he is unsure if he is ready to come home then he can get into a longer program. He agreed that that is a good idea. And he also agreed that when he is ready to come home, he will go to outpatient rehab and that WE will attend meetings at least 2 days a week (there are some great meetings about 40 minutes away from our house that we can go to, he goes to NA and I go to CODA or ALANON).
So, I walked out of there feeling much, much better. I'm not doing cartwheels or anything like that, but I will be able to sleep well tonight knowing that the person I fell in love with is slowly coming back. I saw HIM for the first time in a very long time, not the addict. He has a long way to go, but today I am hopeful.