Emotional Triggers
I've been having a rough few days with everything kind of coming to a head during my transition to a totally new life. Today was definitely a trigger though. I'm a teacher and I had a bad interaction with a parent. It's amazing how quickly those can turn ugly and personal. The parent is pretty ignorant of education, which is fine, but when he realized his complaint was unfounded the personal attack began. It wasn't private either.
I know I'm a good teacher but it really shakes me up inside when people discount me for invalid reasons. It eats me up inside. Tonight I tried to forget about it as I cleaned the kitchen and watched tv with my cup of tea but all I want is my friend wine who never discounts me or bully's me, or makes me feel like I'm less than anyone else and who lets me sleep without the anxiety that keeps my teeth clenched all night and my mind racing about how I can fix this persons perception of me...
I know I can't and shouldn't try to change what others think of me but my identity rests so much upon what others think about me and in an instant I can place all my self worth and my sobriety in the hands of a stranger who is mad at me for no reason.
It's just a huge trigger for me to feel so insecure right now. I didn't realize this was even a thing for me until tonight. I hate feeling so out of control.
I'm not going to drink, but I want to.