This was my experience. I hope it is not your experience. My husband wanted to go. I set it up. We both liked our counselor. But I am afraid we did not want the same thing. He had decided he wanted out pretty much. He was very honest. He could say things in therapy he could not say outside therapy. It came out that he felt he had "married up" and he always felt like a second class citizen. That was very telling. And even though the subject of alcohol came up-he said he would always drink, it was not addressed as something that was a big issue. My husband even admitted that he had more of a relationship with alcohol than with me. Our therapist liked to say that it did not matter if we ended up together or apart, what mattered is that we ended up healthy. It took 3 years but we eventually separated. And my reaction was the same as yours. I had put up with his drunk ass all these years and he wasn't sure he wanted to stay married? WTF??? I actually did sleep for a long time. I was depressed but with my own therapy, Al Anon, and good friends I was able to get through. And I am healthy. Good luck to you.