Huxley

Dammit, I didn't think you'd notice that diversion

Thanks both, and you're both right. One thing I've realised today (in between the crying) is that somewhere I lost my momentum. I lost it the first time I relapsed, actually - last Christmas, when I was away for ages. I always told people back then that even if you slip you still had the days and months you'd managed to, what, collect? Or something? I mean, if you had three months under your belt then slipped, those three months shouldn't get wiped. You still made them.

And that's probably true for all sorts of people, but not for me. It stopped mattering so much. My sobriety date stopped mattering at all. So the next time I slipped - this summer thing that I told you about - it didn't matter so much either.

Oh, except I did so much coke that night I thought I was going to die. I don't think I told you guys about that.

shoes...shoes...shoes...

So I'm wiping the slate clean. I don't have one and a half years with a couple of slip-ups. I have one day. Tomorrow's day two.

It feels good.

Love you guys xxxxx