My heart goes out to you too. That really hurts to read your story.
I wonder if it's a codie thing to be very calm and logical --superfocused, you could call it--when we're facing these crises with the A's? And that hyper focus on them distracts us from the pain we are in ourselves.....
When you love someone....and they're determined keep destroying themselves.... well there are no words, really. Sigh.
Anyway, that's just some thinking out loud.
I am so sorry for your heartbreak. It's hard, that's for sure. Hardest thing ever.
Glad you are hanging on and sharing your freak out, though. We've all been through the heartbreak and freak out.
Prayers.