Originally Posted by
JustAYak 
5 years ago when my dad died... Its amazing how someone can make you feel guilty beyond the grave. Guilty for things I didn't do....guilty over feelings I shouldn't have to feel guilt over. Or just guilty over having feelings at all. Every time I do this, I have to step back and ask myself why I feel guilty. I have no answer. It's just automatic, a reflex.
Oh ya, I know exactly how this works. It's certainly that way with my sister, the World's Biggest Codependent™ -- it's just over 3 years since my Dad died, and she is still trying not to hurt his feelings, suggest that anything in our home life was less than a perfect Norman Rockwell™ childhood, or 'fess up to the idea that she and I are allowed to have any of our own feelings about it. (Me, I got the anger part -- I'm still angry with my Dad, albeit ambivalent, because he had a lot of good attributes, too, which is why I've taken up playing his guitar, keep a Gallium Arsenide ingot on my desk -- one that he made in his lab -- and stuff like that.)
And my sister and I never even got physically abused -- just yelled at, controlled, disapproved of, and so on and so forth. This is strong stuff, and when it starts from birth, you don't shake it off all at once. Thanks for sharing, though -- there's a lot of wisdom around here, which is why I like it....
T