78 Days Later
So... it's been 78 days and my life is completely different both because I'm not drinking and because of a bunch of other stuff.
I have a new house I share with new people, a new job, and I'm just getting settled into a new routine and a new way of being. It really sucks. Transitions suck. I hate them. I wish it could be a year later and I could just have all of this be a memory.
I had a bad day at work today. It's stressful and I can't seem to shake it even now. It makes a home in me and I can't get away from it. This is why I would drink before. I don't want to drink but alcohol has been in the back of my mind floating around - not drinking but alcohol. Today someone asked me a question about something that involved drinking and the physical desire just woke up in me.
I don't want to drink. I do want to feel better. The only way I know how to feel better is to drink. I have to learn how to feel better without drinking.
Anyway, that is where I am right now. Confused and a little lost as well as still committed even though basically it all sucks right now. It does feel good to say that it all sucks. It's honest and I'm not usually good at that either.
So, I'm just going to end with that - it sucks.