It's really not about the tools... and its really not about you or your kids. It's active alcoholism.
Please find an Al-Anon meeting. And if Alateen/Alatots is available in your area take your children. I was in a very emotionally similar place this time last year and it really saved my life and marriage. Living with that level of insanity will definitely make you feel insane.
Sending you and your children lots of love!