Expose it
Hi, I have long been in a cycle of good, bad, good, bad. It seems the only way to leap out of it is to expose the bad - shine a bright light on the crap and seek truth!
When I had a solid year of happy sobriety, everyday I would visualize my drunk booze brain in the center of a beautiful sunny meadow, surrounded by my friends and family...and me. We all just gazed at this selfish creature, and I was separated from it.
Rational Recovery at its best (at least for me). Working to get back to that.