Need Help
Hi I'm an addict. I don't get a chance to attend meetings because of my work schedule.I like to start off by saying, I had 15yrs sobriety. I relasped after my husband left me. It seems I just can't get my life on track. I have 3 months clean now 
My life is real unmanageable. I suffer from real low self esteem. I don't think I'm worthy. I allow people I like to take advantage of me. I have a fear of abandonment. My abandonment issue come from my childhood. I look for love in all the wrong places. I don't know how to love myself I'm good at fixing the outside of me, while the inside of me is in pain.
I don't think I'm attractive, when a attractive man talks to me, I feel I have to buy him, for him to see my worth. Eventually I allow myself to be used then I get angry. I was in a real dysfunctional relationship, I have to let go this person has no respect for me. He has his own issue of self esteem ETC. I'm the type of person who doesn't know how to let go. I love to hard and deep. I'm celibate as of now. I know I'm not ready for any type of relationship. I'm afraid to love out of fear of being hurt. These are some of the things that lead me to my addicton 15 yr ago. I had no clue, I had these issue until a couple of years ago. I have a sponsor, sometimes I won't talk to her because of my issues. My sponsor is a good person I quess it's shame.
I have no problem telling you all about me, because you can't see my face.This makes it easier for me to open up. I know I need help. I've started my first step on line, can't seem to find the website. The Website was erased off of my PC by accident. The site also had the Basic text. I tried searching the web no luck. I have control issue, I like to be right all of the time, I hate constructive criticism. I 'm learning to listen when someone is telling me something for my own good. I can sometime be in denial. I'm my worst critic.
I need help, thanks for listening.
Last edited by Scorpio007; 01-18-2005 at 12:12 AM.
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