I saw XABF today. I walked out of a shop near my house, I was very happy and looking forward to getting home to use my new purchase (a pull up bar
). Then BAM a few feet in front of me was XABF. He was walking the same direction as me so all I could see was his back. I couldn't see his face but knew it was him, same coat, jeans, trainers, build, hair. I slowed my pace to increase the space between us. I didn't know what to do, I thought about striking off in another direction, but the path was such that there was only one way to go and I was so flustered that I couldn't think straight. Not very long after that he and the guy he was with turned into a shop, so XABF was perpendicular to me and I could see his profile. I still don't think he saw me. I was worried he had seen me in the shop I had come out of as he walked by.
It was when he went into the shop that the fear really kicked in because now he had the chance to get behind me. To follow me, like he used to. To see where I live and use that knowledge to terrorise me. He has the skills to follow someone without them ever knowing and I have no idea how to 'lose' someone and was far too disturbed to think of what to do. I kept walking home, quickly. Checking behind me, but still feeling like even if I couldn't see him he might be there. My heart was beating like crazy and my breathing got hard. I got through the front door, locked it and burst into tears. I was so scared he might have found my safe haven, that I had been lulled into a false sense of security again. That everything I had feared would happen would still happen, it was just delayed. It took about an hour and a half to calm down and I'm still jittery. The cats came into the kitchen while I was making tea and I jumped out of my skin and burst into tears again. I felt stupid for not being able to do anything more clever than just walk straight home if he was following me.
Its horrible. Nothing happened. A man walked along with a friend by some shops and then entered a shop. That is all that happened. It happens every day, many many times! Its such a disproportionate and paranoid reaction. I don't know what's happening to me, its feels like I'm going crazy. A man's back should not be able to make me this scared! I though I was free from the fear
I don't know exactly what I'm looking for from this thread. Maybe just to get some of it out my head and for someone to tell me I'm not crazy and they understand