TT
I read the NA book so that I could understand the concept of how recovering addicts help one another. It was eye opening for me. We can't control our sons and attempting to do so in any way is manipulation that will result in resentment.
I have had to stand back and simply observe without comment for the last several months with my son. I work hard on my own behaviors and when I feel those urges to "mother" crop up, I nip them in the bud. Our relationship at this point is good...live and let live. There have been times that my fears have surfaced and I get that icky feeling......but I own that.....he doesn't. I base everything on what he does (behavior) not on what he says and doing that has also helped me keep myself in check. He is kind, polite, considerate. If that changes, I know what to do.......but until/unless that happens......it's hands off.
I do understand how wonderful it is to have your son "back" and the fear of losing him again is there below the surface. But accept what is TODAY.....and stop worrying.....trust the process. It makes no sense to fear what hasn't happened. No future tripping for this Mom......I'm simply enjoying my today with a sober son. I hope you will consider doing the same.
gentle hugs
ke