I think I can say with confidence after 10 years of this that the depression of alcoholism is what is contagious.
No wonder you are depressed!
The light of loving life is snuffed out, dismissed. The joy of discovery non-existent. We are robbed of these things.
Think of a young child's squeal of delight the first time they hold a turtle, a frog, anything like that.
That delight is gone, or subdued, for the walking on eggshells and feeling
the rage behind alcoholism. We can see it in their eyes. They're madder than hell for the world not kissing their ass.
Pardon mon francais!
Do laugh, I know it's not French.
So, what can you do to stop this depression?
Take action.
Everyday, make overcoming your depression so important, like saving your own life.
How?
See a counselor alone! Vent.
Join al anon.
Remember the delight in that child with the frog, and realize that this joy will be taken from your children if things continue status quo.
They will know. They will feel it, they feel it now! They will end up with "issues".
Divorce leaves with kids with issues too.
However, there is a chance of recovery, should their custodial parent get well, cure their depression.
Kids are like mirrors...they reflect the feelings of their parents.
Save them, save YOU.
Seek help today. No more inertia, which compounds that depression.
Find your way back to the happiness of life, whatever must happen along the way to get there...if he can no longer be in your life, then so be it...find your way to health and whether to make that move, away from him, will be clearer and you will have the will and confidence to do it, should that day come.
Believe in that the answer on what to do and just when, will become clear to you. It will.
Forward momentum.
Think of it like climbing a mountain.
Learn the skills to climb a mountain.
Take your power back.
Take your joy of life back.