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Old 10-02-2013, 09:50 AM
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smtowngirl
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 38
just need to get a little bit out there.

I am fairly new here and decide it was time to get it out there this may get a little long winded, I have tried in the past with my AH everything from ..."if you drink one more time I am leaving" or "I will take the kids and stay at my moms", He refuses to leave because he says I am the one with the problem, and I am the one that wants to ruin our family... me in all my codependency could not carry through with my empty threats. I have gotten stronger though. I now dump any liquour I find in the house ( or garage, or car, or else where) I tell him that I know he is drinking, when he thinks he is hiding it so well, and I let him know that I am not ok with it.

He has been an A since I have know him but I was to young to really understand the signs, at 16 just because someone drank their alcohol in a Mt. Dew bottle didn't mean they were an alcoholic but looking back , it was kind of wierd. I really didn't figure out he had a problem until I was 20 after we had our first child, I was cleaning the basement and found several empty bottles of booze and 2litters of soda...strange, where did these come from I thought, I did ask him at that time but he avoided my questioning and never gave me an answer, I was to busy going to school and caring for an infant....it has been that way for the last 13 years, up and down with his pattern and amout of use but it was always present to some extent, I would find bottles, he would drink, and we go on with our business but about 2 years ago it got really bad and it started to really affect his work and our family life, He started to call in sick more, which he never ever did, he would passed out on the couch every weekend afternoon, things around the house started slipping and he got just plain lazy, and I enabled him, I covered for him, It was so gradual it was almost hard to see it happen or I turned a blind eye.

Our lives revoled around booze all of our activities had some kind of drinking involved and if they didn't we had to bail out early so we could get home early to drink, I was no angel I was right there with him partying like a rock star but we were just having fun or so I thought. I forgot to mention he was in a Band! for about 10 years! So when i say rock stars thats what I mean, they got to open for Skynard, now that was a blast, but he got kicked out of his band that was made completly of his friends from High School, after they got so sick of his drunk arse missing notes on stage, they called him and gave him a choice either play better or quit.... he quit and proceed to drink himself into a stupor... I was a little upset because they didn't address the drinking they just told him he wasn't playing well enough... I realized then we can't keep doing this by we I mean Me. Out everyweek some times during the week, we have 3 kids, and we are there role models So we started to stay home more, and his drinking became 10 folds worse.

He got his first DUI in March after he put not one but 2 cars in the ditch trying to get the first out, brilliant I know. I took him to Detox that night. I thought oh good he is going to get some help, Thank you God! but he wouldn't stay for in patient, so he went to out patient, and drank about 2 weeks into it. He told me that it was ok for him to drink and the everyone recovery was differnt and he needed to drink!! what a load of sh!t. He has since totalled my car after driving home from the bar, the kids and I were camping so they didn't have to witness any of this. That was a wonderful call to get at 3 in the morning from a stranger " um hi, we brought your husband home, he put your car in the ditch, he is on the couch, good luck" If money was not object I would have called the cops and had him hauled away for his 2nd DUI, but I didn't I covered it up for him....stupid, stupid, stupid.

He blames me for a lot of stuff thats wrong, I did have an affair about 4 year ago, I felt i didn't have a husband anymore, he was having his own affair with his booze. I don't make excuses anymore, it was wrong, its over. he still hold on to it tight and throws it in my face when he has a chance but claims he doesn't.
We tried marriage counseling and the couselor told us exactly what I told him,( boy did that make him mad)She told us that we couldn't effectivly start working on our marriage until he got sober. So she wasnt' even able to take us on as a couple until he got sober.

I could really go on for hours but this is good for now...wooosaaaa....
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