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Old 10-01-2013, 10:19 PM
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souper
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 27
Unhappy Losing my mind... I think

Hi everyone. It's been a while.

Anyway if you read my story, last year, around this same time, I discovered my husband was using something. Still not sure what. He said it was mostly just pills. He quit. I saw him go through withdrawal. Fast forward one year later...

Things have been much better but honestly I feel like I am losing my mind.
This addiction mess is just crazy! Since then I've been watching him like a hawk.. The whole "watch his behavior not his words" and we had a few times where I thought something is going on again but how will I ever really know!?!? It drives me crazy but I am trying hard to not focus on him and his problems although that's hard to do because I'm his wife. I don't want to be trying to "catch" him or look through his stuff. There is no trust what so ever since then. But we have 4 girls and he loves them, so I put aside those feelings and move forward.

When I said "things have been better" I meant that he doesn't have those "going to Walmart in the morning to get some items for breakfast" and gone for over an hour...walmarts 2 min away... So that's good. I don't see those frantic sweating sessions anymore ( I assume those were when he needed more pills..?)

A week ago, my daughter was going through our dresser looking for coins. I noticed a pill on the floor in front of the dresser. I assume it feel out from there when she was taking coins out. It was a Vicodin. I asked him about it later and he kind of laughed and asked what pill? His explanation was that its from before. "It's from a year ago". Realistically from what I've read, addicts don't just forget about their pills. But of course I want to believe him. And I don't want to argue with him which is pointless anyway.

I started reading up online about all this addiction and got really scared again. I think I do more harm to myself when I read stuff. I begin to associate everything I read to him and I start losing my mind! Does this happen to anyone else too? I am wondering if things are actually not so bad and I'm the one with mental issues!!! Lol! After reading I'm imagining my husband doing all sorts of crap and seriously I'm going insane! I better lay off the reading of other people's addiction behaviors!

I would like to hear anyone's thoughts on this... Please. I'm at that point where I don't know what to think.. Is he? Isn't he? Grrrr! Lol!

Thanks for reading.
Soup
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