dessyflash

Well, I'm back with another chapter in my story, and hopefully it will be one of the last that has him in it. But I need some wisdom, and to know that what I'm planning to do at least sounds right.
Short story: After his relapse after 1 year clean, and losing his job, my husband became more and more psychologically and emotionally abusive. I started to heavily work on my co-dependency and got stronger every time he would pretend that he was leaving forever to punish me for doing anything he didn't like i.e. me going to do something fun without him. I cared less and less and got to the point where I just hoped he wouldn't come back. Finally, at the beginning of September, he did it and I said, "Awesome. When are you leaving?" And I meant it. He looked at me, incredulous, and was immediately a different man because he saw I was serious. He had never expected me to stand up for myself.
After talking to my brother, who had not known the full extent of how bad things were, he gave me a lot of tough love and told me that to keep him in my life would mean losing my family in a way, because he and my mom would never accept him as a member of the family again and would never support the relationship.
Of course my husband did not leave. He tried to pass it off as "oh, my sugar was just low, I just needed to eat." It's an excuse, one of many, that I'm tired of hearing and told him the next day that the marriage needed to end and that he needed to move out. He protested and begged and pleaded, but I stood my ground, until he seemed to come to an understanding about why I needed those things to happen. And of course he magically started getting job offers around this time and promised that he was going to become the man he had always promised me that he would be. "It was only when I truly felt the fear of losing you that I just woke up and I'm fully understanding how how badly I've hurt you and I'm so sorry, etc." And has been trying to be the best husband ever. It was too little too late, though, and he seems to be accepting of this, although is holding onto the hope that after we've been apart for awhile we can come back together and start over. I was hoping that too, but was very accepting of the knowledge that this might not happen. He.... Isn't so accepting.
I did agree to let him continue to live with me until he could find other living arrangements, but I'm quickly realizing that it isn't going to work. He was supposed to be gone for the weekends- that was part of our agreement, but with the exception of one weekend, he's come up with excuses every time as to why he can't leave. That one weekend though was amazing- I felt so light and free and creative, and that was a big clue that he needs to be out of my life for awhile, if the simple fact that he was gone made me feel so much better. And despite his promises to give me space and not stress me out with his problems, every 2-3 days, when I clearly have other things I'm doing, he asks that we "talk about things." These "talks" always involve suicide threats and the like, after which he'll apologize and say, "I'm just so emotional right now, *you* had time over the summer to work on your emotions, I deserve the same!" (which I know is the worst excuse ever and told him so). Or if he's upset at something I'm doing he'll just be outright hurtful.... So not much different from before really, other than that he's gone a few hours a night at work.
We're supposed to be doing a dissolution. We have no shared assets, and I'm going to be staying in the apartment because he can't pay for it, so that's obvious. When I finally got fed up with his drama one day (he accused me of infidelity with my *best friend* and told me he'd be consulting with an attorney himself, hinting he would seek alimony to punish me), I told him to leave. His response was, "We're married, my name is on the lease, you can't make me leave. I'll go when the papers are signed."
I became afraid that paying for the dissolution is a waste of time, because he has no actual intention of signing the papers. I'm afraid he'll stall and stall as long as necessary, hoping to change my mind.
In addition to this, I found out today that he owes a local hospital 2300 dollars for "services" he received there in the ER on August 9th of this year. He does not know that I know this, but the thing is, this is the first I've heard of his having been to the ER at all! He was never sick around that time, nor was he injured that I ever knew of. He has used the ER before to obtain drugs before, and there is a rumor flying around that he owes dealers money. He has assured me that he has been totally clean since his relapse. But I have to ask myself, what else but drugs could have driven him to the ER, in the absence of sickness or physical injury, when he had no insurance and knew what kind of bill would be coming, and THEN fail to mention it to his wife? I can't prove it, but it's a big clue to me that he's probably actively using again, and has been for quite some time. Quite frankly, that makes me feel unsafe.
He needs to go- I'm tired of playing nice, and I want some peace, and I want my life. I want that wonderful feeling of joy and freedom I felt that weekend when he was gone, without the cloud on the horizon that signifies his imminent return. Because we're married, I know I can't just kick him out. I plan on calling my attorney in the morning before confronting my husband with what I know to see if I should meet with him first. I am really hoping I don't end up having to pay him alimony (haven't even been married for three years), but if I do, it'll be worth being free of this mess forever. I am more than ready to be done.
Has anyone here ever had to take legal action to get someone out when they refused to leave on their own? I know I will feel guilt over making him leave when he really has nowhere else to go, but what I'm told is that people magically find lots of places to go when they're forced to- he just doesn't want to leave because he thinks he's going to be able to manipulate me into continuing this tragedy of a relationship.
I'm done. Done, done, done.
I guess what I'm asking is, is not confronting him until I talk to my attorney a good idea, so I'll know what my options are when I do talk to him? And is there anyone else I should be contacting? Anything else I need to plan for? If it's looking like he might become violent, I already have a list of friends who told me I could show up there at any time if I needed to and stay, so thats covered. I'm just worried that if I kick him out, he'll disappear and then won't be able to be served papers (since I doubt he'll nicely show up to sign the dissolution papers if I have him kicked out).