Story
Lizwig's suggestion of a gratitude journal is a great idea. Melody Beattie wrote some great books that most of us are aware of but one that isn't talked about much is "Make Miracles in 40 Days". It's all about gratitude and writing it down. I shared mine via email with a gratitude buddy every morning. That kept us both on task to make sure we did our gratitude exercise every day. My gratitude list included things such as:
I can never be grateful that my son is addicted to drugs but I will be eternally grateful for the lessons I've learned and the people I have met as a direct result if his addiction.
I can't be grateful that my father was killed in a violent plane crash but I will be grateful for my changes and growth as I've dealt with the grief of losing him.
It's amazing how doing this exercise everyday changed me and my attitude. I didn't laugh a lot a few years ago....i felt much how you described how you are feeling....but now I laugh and dance......I have found my joy again.
I hope you find your happy soon......
gentle hugs
ke