Oh, tpoint ****{hugs}}}. I can TOTALLY relate. The first time I got sober it was for a 9 month period of time. I planned on when I was going to start drinking, again, (during a big celebration) but thought I could moderate. That didn't work and for the next 8 months my drinking spiralled out of control much like yours did. The good news is that I got sober, again, and it's been more than one year now. If you really want this, you can do it. Read and post here often!