I moved to a new state for my AH's job. Very small town, everyone talks about everyone's business. I finally caught him and had the evidence so I kicked him out. We are getting divorced and let me tell you, that very day I felt like I got my life back. I make way less money, but I decided to stay here while my AH went back to where we grew up by family. I feel personally, that the first freedom is not having to keep someone else's secret. Then you re-nest and make your home the way you want it. Sure it's hard because you do remember good times with your spouse, but then you go through the mourning that this person he is now, is a replacement of that person. You mourn the loss of them, I cried on my kitchen floor at random times, that stopped, then I got angry...then you feel better and happier that you're taking care of you - and eventually you hope for the best for your ex spouse-I'm just not there yet. I always felt like I was all he had to take care of him, but you know what, they figure out how to drink/use, then they can figure out what to do next. You don't realize how miserable you've been for so long until you get yourself out of the situation.