My alcoholic mother passed away recently
Hi I posted this in another section, I hope its ok to post it here too.
Im new on here and Im looking for something, I dont know what really, maybe some reassurance?
My mum passed away from alcoholic liver disease aged 56 a week past Thursday and Im really struggling to come to terms with it. I was the one who found her body.
She wasnt always an alcoholic and only recently (past 3 or 4 years) became chronic to the point of losing her drivers licence, getting paid off from work, blocking people out of her life, not taking care o herself or the house. My sisters and I tried everything to help her but she just couldnt stop, she obsessed about my dad with another woman even although my mum and dad had split up for a while before he met the woman. She was horrible and nasty to my dad when shed had a drink saying she hated him etc and never showed him any affection or love their entire marriage.
She was abused as a child and I think this must have been the catalyst for her alcoholism. We had a great childhood, I have nothing but good memories (mostly) but once we all left the house to get on with our own lives that is when the alcohol really took hold.
Im sorry Im rambling here. We just feel so guilty and sad that this has happened and that we couldnt do more for her or snap her out of it. We would visit her a lot and always talk on the phone to see if she was okay and try to be normal with her but now I feel we were always lecturing her.
We didnt know she had liver disease and Im not sure she did although I suspect she must have, surely. I shouted at her at times and for this I will always feel guilty but I know it was out of sheer frustration. I also told her I loved her all the time and I hope she knew that. I miss her so much, the real mum. When she was sober she was great and wasnt depressed but as soon as she drank she just nosedived. She never went for help when sober so it was always just a matter of time before she started drinking again.
Please tell me with time this will get easier. Alcohol is such an evil destructive thing.