Thank you for this thread. It has really helped me understand some of the aspects of my own childhood. I have often felt a great deal of guilt about the role I played as a child. I was seen as the 'sensible' one, the carer for my younger siblings, and I was given a great deal of responsibility at too young an age. I remember having to cook dinners for my drunken Dad when I was barely old enough to reach the stove and being scared that he wouldn't like it. He was violent to us all but used to target my younger brother in particular. My brother just learned to take it and would often accept the blame for something regardless of whether he had done it or not. He was the scapegoat. The thing is, I allowed that to happen. There were 2 younger siblings and I guess I just learned to do a bit of damage limitation...'at least it wasn't the baby this time' etc.
My brother is lost in his own drink and drug addiction now, and as part of my ongoing therapy I've had to look at what I was really responsible for as a kid.
None of it I would guess. But it doesn't stop it hurting.
We do not have any ACOA meetings here. I'm coming to terms with the legacy of my broken childhood through counselling.
Listening to others who have been there helps. Thank you x