Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy Neighbors witnessed him hit me. Then lied.
People lie. All the time. This is a "so what" issue. Doesn't change the fact that your only witnesses are liars. What needs to change is how you deal with this from now on.
Court order says he will get them from the house. I asked that it be public. Judge told us "best interest of the kids" is that we act like adults and do it at our house.
There is a reason why the judge is telling you to act like a grown up. Find out why. Something you are doing is being perceived as combative. Figure that out, and stop doing it.
My state will NOT allow me to videotape/surveil etc... So it's not an option.
As Florence said - any state allows you to have security cameras to protect your property. Sorry, WTBH, you are making excuses about this option.
I am dealing with a dangerous narcissist who has manipulated the police and court system as Lundy Bancroft describes to a T and I have and continue to take the steps to protect myself that I can and am getting no where.
Again, another "so what" issue. You already know this by now. We all here know it. Your approach to date isn't working. So what are you going to do differently? Or are you choosing to remain in the same sick dance you've been in with him for years now?
I am not about to change the court order without the judge approving it and be held in contempt so that is why he shows up at my house. NOT my choice. I argued against it.
No one said change this. We are saying have a witness with you, a neutral third party who can report on a situation if it goes badly. Hell, maybe even someone who can be honest with you about your part in it all.
I guess I am at a loss as to what roads to go down at this point. I have taken the advice you've all given, I don't believe I am reacting so much as being blindsided by the legal manipulation that is occurring.
But here's the thing. WTBH, you really haven't. You keep
fighting him, like next time will be different, or next time he will magically get it that he is abusive and narcissistic. You are trying to rationalize with an irrational person and wondering why the results are the same every time. Go back and read LaTeeDa's post again.
Stop reacting!!! Stop being blindsided. The world is not a fair place. Fair is a place we go to ride the rides. People who play fair rarely win against manipulators. People who are
smart and strategic do.
In order to be effective at this, you need to change your approach, stop thinking the world is a fair place, and start manipulating the manipulator. Turn the tables, quit being so predictable, and stop reacting!
P.S. Have you ever wondered why the neighbors are witnessing this? Because
he is bringing his own witnesses to the exchanges. And yet, you won't. This is a great example of my point about being strategic.