OneNightAWeek, I really haven't read much of the big book because by the time I got to Al-Anon I was in such bad shape I had to focus on myself. As my recovery got stronger I simply didn't have any desire to read it.
I can follow the Al-Anon philosophy and attend meetings with out buying into the dogma.
I don't really have a higher power, something outside of me to turn my life over to. I don't practice the 12 steps and I don't have a sponsor.
However I have gotten huge amounts of help from the program.
I have learned compassion for myself and for others simply by attending meetings and paying attention to others sharing.
I have learned how to let go of the past and not to dwell in the future by learning how to live in the moment, just for today so to speak.
I have learned how to forgive others and more importantly myself. That we all did the best we could with what we had at the time.
I have learned patience, that recovery is more of a way of life rather than a destination.
I have learned how to focus on myself, that it's ok to say no, that it's ok to take care of my needs and that I don't have to push them aside because others want something of me.
I have learned to detach, to see life as it is and not as I want it to be. That expectations really are future resentments.
And most importantly, I have learned how to love myself. Growing up in an alcoholic family and then marrying an alcoholic this was a skill I did not have. I now have self esteem, self confidence and a real sense of self based on me and not what others think of me.
I have supplemented my recovery program with a lot of reading in Buddhism and Taoism and now have a daily meditation practice.
I can now say I am enough just as I am. I am OK with walking my own path, which when you get down to it is all any of us can do.
Also, with the merger of a recovery program and a meditation practice, I have learned how to create that gap between stimulus and reaction. That I have choices and that I can choose how to respond to what is happening around me and within me. I don't have to live on auto pilot anymore, that I can be mindful and live life purposefully.
For me Al-Anon and this site have been life savers.
Your friend,