I’m in the same situation as Laura. ABF moved in with me after he had been “removed” from rehab. He told me he was there because he didn’t have a place to stay. He was staying at a Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center, which I thought was for anyone who was just homeless (how dumb was I? LOL) He said “removed”, I found out later he was kicked out for coming back to the center high/drunk and not following the program. Anyway, I loved him, blah, blah, blah. Didn’t know how serious his drinking problem was until he moved in.
That was 6 almost 7 years ago and I’ve FINALLY reached the point where I am done. Laura, your post is the 1st one I have EVER read that deals with the same emotions I’ve been dealing with which is not having the heart to just throw him out with no place to go. I didn’t want to be “mean” or the “bad guy” etc., and I've been dealing with the fear of his response, possibly trashing my place etc., which has kept me stuck for all these years!
But here’s the deal: He has been and always will be the bad guy because of the way he has treated me, lied to me, disrespected me, abused me emotionally and physically. I’m worth more than that, and I deserve to be treated with respect. By reading up on co-dependency topics, I realized that his life is not my life.
I decided not to argue with him about his drinking and his behavior—that is a battle I will never win. I just simply spoke in terms of MY life, that I will no longer live with the alcohol or the effects it’s having in my life.
I gave him a 2 week deadline: stop drinking or find another place. I have hired an attorney in case I have to evict him, I’ve notified the local police and my neighbors that if something goes down as far as trespassing, I will press charges. I have a locksmith on standby, and I’ve already hooked up an alarm system that alerts local police/fire. My pets have been secured elsewhere for a while. So if he wants to "act a fool" and continue to not take responsibility for his life that’s on him, not me. I’m done trying to fix something that cannot be fixed!