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Old 09-20-2013, 03:22 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Hopeworks
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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What I learned after 4 years with my XA was that inpatient rehabs are just geography and not all rehabs are created equal. That being said, when the XA's world started falling apart because his chief enabler was curbing him he would make recovery "quacks" and check into rehab. Upon discharge he would attend meetings, get a sponsor and appear to be doing very well.

That scenario was replayed over and over and over again over our roller coaster relationship and I began to realize that relapses were really "relapse vacations" and once his resources bottomed out or he went to the hospital half dead or to jail he would switch hats to intense remorse, blame his disease (he is a true alcoholic in the worst sense) and start working his way back into my good graces with rehab, recovery etc...

My salvation came when the lightbulb finally went on in my head (I had been told this a thousand times here and in meetings and in counseling) that recovery doesn't "stick" unless they do it from the center of their soul, mind and body for the right reasons. A permanent break up with alcohol is catastrophic to the A and so the alcoholic dance/manipulations are just mind games.

Can he come to a psychic change in rehab? Of course it is possible but rehab is a geographic location not recovery guaranteed. Psychic change is rare, permanent change is rare and for those who love A's who end up with a Prince Charming that they were dreaming of are very, very blessed and fortunate persons.

My XA HAD been binging in Vegas and Laughlin for the past 7 months or so and is now detoxing and is on day 5. I just got the most beautiful email from him (he is blocked from all other contact) but the truth is it is most likely a temporary chapter in his life. I hope and pray not.... but A's love their alcohol and my dad died in his alcoholism and my brother is still drinking too.... sadly, MOST do not make it.

It is a fact. We have to accept that and because of that work on our own recoveries and leave our loved ones HP to deal with their recovery. Their freedom is within and when my XA was ready his HP had someone right there to help him detox.

Knowing that is freeing. It is not our responsibility and hovering, mothering and guilting is a hindrance to their figuring it out!
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