LightInside-
I was in a similar situation (and feeling similar) when I first split from my alcoholic.
A thing that helped explain to me the brain chemistry/feelings of what I was going through was a book called The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson.
I had a lot of other things to work on, but this reading was a huge step for me in healing. I just FELT so yucky that honestly I was not realistically seeing the impact of the alcohol (or the person who consumed it) on me.