It is super normal to be surprised that your spouse is an alcoholic. I didn't realize it with my XAW until she had a seizure and almost died!
That was when she was about 32. Now she is 44 and it has only gotten worse. She could die any time now.
It is like realizing you are having a bad dream which you cannot wake up from. Then you can't believe this is really happening to you. Then you get mad. Then you realize you are trapped. So you try all kinds of coping and survival mechanisms.
I have no answers. It's been good for my prayer life. It has made me humble. I don't know anything, especially not about alcoholics and why they destroy themselves and everything connected to them.
It is depressing yet people do make the best of it. For me it took 18 years until I moved out, and my life has been much more SANE ever since. Sad for my lover killing herself before my eyes wasting away from drinking, but more sane because end stage alcoholics are completely delusional.