Dear SteviePDX, Your story of your AS sound just like what I am going thru, but to a shorter degree. We only found out about our addicted daughters (19 & 22), DOC is/was oxy and heroin. This was confirmed in July. Does the pain, worry guilt and blame ever ease up some? The tears are real and flow down my face every single day. I know about the 3 C's, however I feel an overwhelming urge to fix the girls, to be my babies again, to live life without this crazy disease of addiction. One girl is in IOP therapy, we were able to "save" or reach her as she hit the rock bottom in her life. This therapy might work, only she and time and her desire to be sober will give us her answer. As a mom, I feel like many do at first, a failure, a pathetic example of a mom (their words and words hurt) but do feel like a failure. I have never felt this horrible about something or someone ever. I have let go twice now, but I came back to "rescue" them both times. I ask God for advise and help, his answer is always yes, no or maybe. This cracks my faith, but it's still there. Lately I have been getting late night texts that are just blame crazy jibberish from the older one, they go on and on I plead (take the bait) with her that no one is talking about her, etc. I finally just turn my phone off. The younger one lives with me and my 14 yr old son. She is past the honeymoon stage and now seems angry and wants to be alone all the time. The only time we can talk is when I drive her to her daily therapy appts., she has lost her drivers license too. My husband is useless, or blaming me, and doesn't live with me. On top of all this I am a retired nurse and never saw the signs or the addiction creating into our lives. Sorry I'm ranting again, I tend to do that. So I am assuming this will go on forever? Even when they desire sobriety, addiction is always lurking around, waiting for its chance to get its way and worm back into our family. I just want some normalcy to return, just for a day. I need my children, my gifts from God. I go on and on. At least they are alive, but I feel dead. My hope is low, my heart is crushed. Anyone who reads this, hug your children before drugs and ETOH do. I will try to be positive, ignore other people from judging me, and gently remind the friends I do have left, that hurting people hurts people. SR doesn't judge, it educates and pushes the sanity back into my brain, thank you SR for being there for me when the rest of the world abandoned me. A big gentle hug to you SteviePDX, I feel your pain and also see your hope that I will cling to. TF
We did have a no contact police order with the girls that lasted about a month, a very long sad month, an unexpected suicide attempt by the younger girl put an end to that. No contact does work for some and it sounds like its saving your sanity do what you think will be right, listen to your head, the heart seems so soft...