Originally Posted by
refusetosink 
Says he is embarrassed and doesn't want to rehash how bad it was just wants to "move forward". We discussed the idea if not ever drinking again and he said he didn't think he needed to go that far, but maybe just stop drinking until his enzymes become normal.
But if he has been drinking our whole relationship ... Times when I assumed his eyes were red because he was exhausted and said "oh honey you look exhausted you sleep in tomorrow I'll get up with the baby!" He was likely drinking.
He works from home. It is possible he drinks during the day while out daughter is at daycare (I work three days a week 12 hour shifts). He denied this. But I think he knows if he said yes there would be a whole new level to this.
I don't *think* he is driving intoxicated with her in the car...but I don't feel like I know anything anymore.
We have an appt Monday (soonest I could get). A therapist. First an appt for him then a couples one for us together.
I feel there is something else he is hiding. Porn addiction, pills, more financial issues. He says their isn't.
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. It's awful. I hope you keep coming back, because this is such a wonderful resource and support system.
I just want to share my own experiences on a couple of things here...
My AH says he just wants to "move forward" all the time. That doesn't mean he's going to actually change at all. It really just means he doesn't ever want to have to talk about the lies, the bad behavior, etc., and essentially pretend like they never happened.
It is very, very likely that he is drinking A LOT more than you think or believe. That's just how it is with a lot of addicts. My AH is like this. My AH is VERY bad at hiding it, although he thinks he is great at it. For your own sake, you might consider just assuming he is impaired.
Regarding driving under the influence with your child in the car: in many states, penalties are doubled if you are pulled over for a DUI with a child in the car. Imagine the worst case scenario: Your husband is out with your child, is pulled over, and blows just over the legal limit. More worst case scenario: nobody can reach you, for whatever reason. Your husband ends up in jail til someone shows up to bail him out, and your child is sitting in the police station with a social worker until someone picks her up. (Of course, this isn't really the worst case scenario...WORST is someone is driving drunk with a child in the car, crashes, and the child is hurt or killed.) Especially when you're talking about children, and driving, I believe it is very important to be aware of the reality and the worst case scenario, and whether or not you're willing to risk it, ever.
Finally, about counseling...many marriage counselors are NOT trained in counseling an addict. Addicts are generally not rational, and traditional marriage counseling techniques are wasted on addicts. Check to see if your counselor is a certified addiction counselor. There are many marriage counselors who are certified, and such a counselor will have a lot more knowledge about how to deal with your husband and the way alcohol affects the relationship.