As women sometimes it is difficult for us, for whatever reason, to feel that we deserve better. Sometimes it is the way we were brought up; sometimes it is just being worn down by the alcoholic's attitude toward us. My ex often accused me of getting high and mighty and "demanding" if I tried to enforce normal standards of behavior between adults.
I got to where I felt like I had lived with so much s**t, I could tolerate anything. What tipped over the apple cart was when I saw - really saw - the effect living with an alcoholic father was having on my children. What I couldn't do for myself, I could do for them.
But, I waited too long. Way too long. My daughter was a young teen and acting out - drinking at 14 - before I pulled my head out of my @ss. It took years of intervention and counseling and talking real, real honestly about life in our house for her to start turning her life around. At 19, she still has incredibly low self esteem and a ton of anxiety. I wish I had left when my oldest was 7. FOR THEM.