Dear hissy--you say you "want out of this hell"---and I can certainly understand why. The most direct way to do this is to contact the domestic violence center---make a phone call. Tell them your situation--and they know how to help you. You can get the services and support that you need. You qualify because you are living in abuse and are (in my opinion) showing signs of this abuse. You will find that these people are very discreet and very kind.
Of course we are always here on SR and there are alanon meetings where you will find equally understanding and supportive people.
Making that first phone call (from a safe, private place) is the hardest part--but, you will be glad that you did, because it is a first step to getting out of the "hell" that you are living in.
dandylion