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Old 09-18-2013, 01:57 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
honeypig
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,478
Michelle, I have to agree with all that is said here....

You say you see him with "a beer" but never drunk. Two things to be aware of here: One, he may be drinking more--A LOT MORE--than you know or see. It's very very common for A's to hide the extent of their drinking. Second, everyone can see and notice the loud, obnoxious, staggering, puking drunk. Pretty obvious. However, many of us here have A's who we never suspected drank alcoholically. They titrate their alcohol use so carefully and control their actions so tightly--it is possible for them to consume amazing amounts of alcohol and no one can tell unless they overshoot by accident.

He told you that he has been drinking more and more. You can see he is unable to quit w/o having physical symptoms. He has an unclear story of what happened in his previous marriage other than that it involves cheating.

He is showing you who he is right now. Do you want him exactly as he is? Not his potential, not who he could be, but the guy who cheated on his wife, the guy who has almost certainly been hiding his drinking from you, the guy who has a bad enough habit that he goes into withdrawal? Bear in mind that YOU cannot "love him into sobriety." Getting sober is something he must want and must do for himself.

Take some time, do some reading here. Educate yourself about alcoholism. Then decide if you still want to hop on the crazy train and experience for yourself the pain and betrayal that life with an active A will bring or if you'd rather disengage for now and see what happens later, when he can show you a year of good solid sobriety.
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