My poor love
How sad I am about him. I met my husband when I was very young. My first kiss, my prom date, my first... you know. Here we are at aged 44. He is a highly fuctioning alcoholic and is addicted to his prescription drugs. We have been separated for 1 1/2 years. Seems like forever and also seems like no time has passed at all. He is in the military and has been overseas. Neither of us has been with anyone else. ( I know he hasn't. His drug use has made him impotent for some time.) I miss and love him so very much even still. Still holding out hope.
He came to see me this past week-end. For the first time. It was terrible. Horrible. He is as much of an addict/ alcoholic as he ever was and I know it is finally time to cut it off. I see that even though I left him, I never really "left" him before. I was always a phone call away.
I am haunted by him whispering to me, years ago, in bed, drunk, "Please, save me. Help me, love." My guilt is overwhelming. I could not save him.
My heart is broken into a million pieces having seen him this week-end and realizing that he is just as bad off as he was before except this time he is going through life all alone. It makes me incredibly sorry. And sad.
I love him so much. I am just so sorry this happened. I feel such sorrow that it is hard to function in my life right now. Thanks for providing this outlet.