Florence, I suggest that you might gain some comfort from reading the book "The Nurture Assumption". Don't beat yourself up too much over this. You can grow very old waiting for history to change. It might be more important how you move into the future than beating yourself up over the past.
There are zillions of opportunities for your son to grow and to be happy that still lie in the future and that you do have some control over.
The adult role models (esp. males) and PEER GROUP experiences that lie ahead in this teen-young adult years can be just as influential as the past has been.
Has he ever been to alateen?
You have my most sincere empathy--I am a mother.
sincerely,
dandylion