I think my heart broke just a little reading your post.
Is there time to do anything totally unique & wonderfully shocking for his birthday to change the tone for him?
I think the fact that he talks to you about
any of this, that you are so receptive & sensitive from your own recovery & give him room to share in a non-judgemental environment is HUGE Florence... HUGE. You're helping him to sort out his baggage & giving him tools to sort it himself, that's an
absolute gift. I put my money on DS13 coming out ON TOP as an adult.