Now it's an anniversary for two devastating acts
About a year ago, I kicked my AH out for the last time. Our anniversary was 9/17, and we had gone on a anniversary camping trip, had a great time, and when we got home I'd found out he was drinking again.
It was a week before my DS13's birthday. During DS13's birthday, my AH was missing (when I kicked him out, he took a long relapse vacation) and his parents copped out by refusing to take part in any birthday activities for DS13. It was EXTREMELY painful for him to see these people who were supposed to be his family -- and who purported to be his family -- drop him like a hot potato. His grades dropped drastically. It was the bottom under the floor. My bottom's basement.
Long story short -- let's say if you wanted a family tree I'd have to draw you a chart. DS13 was born when I was a teenager to a guy that's a capital-N Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It was a perfect storm of his vindictive and dysfunction crossed with my FOO's dysfunction, my need to please them. Our early years as parent-child were rough, there wasn't a lot of time for laughter and joy, and I was stressed to the point of breaking. NPDX and I both remarried and both had one additional child. DS13's stepmom also had a child from a previous marriage. Anyway, I've spent a lot of time trying to repair that relationship and be the best mom to him that I can be -- open, loving, nurturing, and with my neuroses and temper in check -- especially over the last two years when I decided to shed all the toxic relationships that I could. It's been a good year, all things considered, since breaking up with AH. We have a good relationship, and DS13 is a really good, well-adjusted kid with a tender heart and a deadly sense of humor.
But yesterday, 9/17, his dad, the NPDX, sat DS13 and his stepbrothers down during DS13's weekly Tuesday visit, and told them that he and stepmom are divorcing because he doesn't want to live with her anymore. No reason! Just doesn't want to be a husband and a dad. Then they ate dinner and dropped him off at my house.
Stepmom had called me earlier in the day, rambling a mile a minute, to tell me ahead of time because she thought it was unfair to tell DS13 and then dump him off on me unawares. I felt bad for her. She was unceremoniously dumped after eight years together, and now her kids are going through was DS13 was going through last year. Just ugh. She wants to find a way to remain in DS13's life and keep his relationship with his stepbrother and his half-brother functional.
When DS13 got home and we talked at length about it, he said it had opened up all these old wounds about losing my AH, who once was a great father and a good influence in DS13's life. Now his birthday is coming up, and all he can think about is how he's lost two families in a row, almost one year to the day.
I'm just heartsick that this good kid has has his heart broken like this, and ashamed at us adults for having the audacity to let our baggage spill out over these children's lives. It is not lost on me that I chose these extraordinarily disappointing and selfish guys to be the father figures in my children's lives. I'm just disgusted.