Originally Posted by
hissycrissy 
So in a sense this is my fault? My fault for staying? He does have issues but does that mean I need to abandon him when he truly needs support and help to get sober? What kind of person would abandon the person they love and who loves them because they are sick?
Nope, nobody is saying that. It's not uncommon for someone new here to react exactly like you're doing and to hear accusations when none are intended. It's NOT your fault for staying or in any other way. Not your fault he drinks. Not your fault he won't stop. Not your fault you're confused and scared.
What people are trying to get you to hear is that all the love and support in the world will not "help him get sober." If love was all it took, this forum would not exist. It's not that people here don't love their A's. It's that an active A will do and say anything in order to keep the addiction going, and until HE sees a reason to get sober, he won't. Love and support won't do a damn thing to help; he can't hear or feel it.
Folks here tend to talk pretty straight, so please don't take offense. The wisdom being shared is born of bitter experience. None of us wanted to find ourselves here either. All of us had the same feeling of our world being turned upside down. All of us have made ourselves crazy trying to fix/help/support our A's. You are NOT alone in your situation. You're also not different, whether you want to believe that or not (and many of us DID believe we were different and superior when we first came here--WE loved our A more, WE could do what the rest of the folks here couldn't, WE could LOVE our A enough to get him sober!) Guess what? We found out we were no different at all.
Anyway--it's a lot to process. I hope you can read a lot on this board. You'll see a lot of stories that might look eerily familiar to you. The more you educate yourself about alcoholism, the better you'll be able to understand what is happening and the decisions you'll need to make as time goes on.
I would also like to strongly suggest Alanon, as I think others have done already. SR is a wonderful community, but there are some advantages to having some real-world resources and support also. Please consider this too.
Hang around, read, learn and post. We've all been where you are now. We get it.
ETA: You are right, he is sick, but he is also not getting any help, is he? What would you think about a diabetic who didn't take their meds? A cancer patient who refused treatment? He/she is someone who doesn't want to take care of him/herself and get better, right? How is the A different?