It is a cunning disease and you are not the only person to have accepted bad behaviour from an alcoholic partner, I have and many other people here have also. Beating yourself up about it is not helpful. Have you heard of or read codependent no more by melody Beatty? That helped me to see what parts of my behaviour were contributing to the situation and to start working on me and getting boundaries in place. Start from now to do things you can be proud of. Put some things in place that will help the situation. Make sure you and your children are safe. You know it's not good if your son hears you being disrespected so what can be done about that. Be gentle with yourself but protect yourself and your children. Do you have family or friends that can help you? Keep safe.