DesertEyes

As an aside, the very first book written about us "adult kids" was titled "The Forgoten Children", way back in the '70's. Which means that you fit right in with the rest of us ACoA's

As far as reading about recovery in general, we have a few suggestions here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oks-acoas.html

If you are interested in a 12 step program, their website is here:

Welcome to Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.

The term "brainwashing" is used by the professional community to discuss the process by which children, or adults, are slowly manipulated into believing things that are not true. Another professional term is "Stockholm Syndrome"

In the literature the generic term is "survival traits", the point being that these "traits" were essential to our survival as children but become a hindrance as we grow into adulthood.

In my case I learned how to be very quiet and still as a child, and where to hide in the house in order to avoid getting hurt. I did it so well that whenever I ran away from home for a few days, none of the adults noticed I had been gone. I had been "brainwashed" into believing that all adults were dangerous and that being noticed would lead to pain.

As an adult that "survival trait" resulted in being extremely shy, being afraid to excel, or even be moderately competent at my profession, unable to communicate beyond the superficial level, etc. etc.

This type of "progression" of a behavior is discussed in any book on ACoA. The "creation" of the behavior is called "dysfunctional learning", but the term "brainwashing" is not generally used. I happen to find "brainwashing" to be more descriptive and accurate than "dysfunctional learning", that is an example of how the program of recovery is flexible and lets each one of us make use of whatever "tool" is useful and disregard what is not.

Mike
Moderator, SR