Originally Posted by
LightInside 
Hello,
It is so hard to feel good about myself when the person who treated me like crap is the one to ditch out on me. It should have been the other way around. I try to see it as him doing me a favor, but I have a lot of self doubt. I am constantly remembering things that I like or did that he scoffed at. He used to think I was amazing.
I can totally relate. My XABF walked out without one word or phone call just over two months ago. The last day we were together, he was super rude and put me down every chance he got. It really did feel like he hated me. This happened overnight, after an incident at the bar when I saw him wasted and knock people down in a fight. Later that night, I told him I was there for him if he ever needed to talk, rather than go to the bar. He genuinely looked touched. I saw the 'happy-go-lucky' mask lift, and I saw a very hurt person. I thought this was progress for us, but he quickly decided he didn't want me in his life anymore. Overnight, I became the enemy, and he made me feel very similar to how you are feeling.
Reading about alcoholism and the many posts here on SR has helped me so much. When things ended, I knew nothing about alcoholism and blamed myself. I wondered why I wasn't good enough for him, what I should've done/said. None of that is true, and none of it matters. Alcohol is our XA's main love at the moment. They don't have true love to give us.