Came to believe........
After admitting I am powerless and that everything I do to try to control my AS's doesn't work. That I had committed myself to insanity; doing the same things over and over, expecting different results.
I have finally came to believe that only a power greater than myself could restore my sanity. I have moved away from my religion over the past 10 years. But now realize that my higher power (the Trinity; God, Jesus, and the Holy spirit) are out there and have helped me through so much in my life. That only my higher power could {not would} restore my sanity. I have faith that he will take care of my son's as long as I get out of the way of his work. They are his son's too.
I have faith that in taking care of me he will also teach them how to live right.
I no longer pray for Him to protect and help them. I now pray the He shows them the light. I ask for help to let them go, so they can live and learn as they so choose. I trust that He is a loving God and he will do the right thing. I believe he has me going through this for a reason.
I have to let go and let God. I have faith he will help me change my though's, feelings, and actions.