Originally Posted by lesliej

for me it is interesting to consider the difference between the role of being a counselor who has a JOB that involves the addict and the role of being a loved one who has to LIVE with the addict...the counselor gets to go home in the evening, and after 30 days or whatever gets to say "good luck" and "good bye" to the addict...knowing how recalcitrant relapsing is and the slim recovery rates. Not so for the person who takes the addict home.

for the counselor it is an objective view...yeah, sure, it is probably best for any human being to receive love and patience and understanding, but that is easy for the counselor to "prescribe" to you...

but for a person who has been living with the frustration and despair of addiction and codependency that sort of "objective" view is probably next to impossible. sure,

I had to separate from my ex to have any sort of objectivity
I tried to have compassion and love and patience and tolerance while I was in relationship with him...but the truth was that if I was in relationship with him I was also in relationship with his addiction. I think it must take some pretty super human powers to not have frustration and despair while drugs are around. It also sucks up your life energy trying to remain detached and loving and patient while your loved one checks out of life in the closet...or car...or crackhouse, or what have you.

By the time I checked out by leaving the relationship I was exhausted. I had already done so much work to remain sober myself for several years (I am a recovering alcoholic) and after two years with him I swear I had done enough work trying to learn about addiction and understand him...I should have been awarded a PhD!

WTF? why do it? it is up to THEM to do it...not US.
Why oh why oh why oh why should YOU get "tough enough"...why do you have to learn these things for him?

al anon/ nar anon/ SR etc...learn for yourself about codependency.
"Codependent No More"...by Melody Beattie
or "Facing Codependency" by Pia Melody
Please learn about you, you will waste your time learning about him...