Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
addiction ain't for wussies. not that you ARE a wussy, but if it is your intent to stick this out for now and hope for the best, it will behoove you to toughen up a bit. part of the way we do that is with boundaries...where we define where WE end and the rest of the world begins...where WE end and where OUR partner begins....learn to define and label what is OURS and what is NOT.
how his parents reacted is THEIRS.
that your husband used on his first weekend home is HIS, except for how you feel about ANYONE using drugs in your home. and that your husband was FAR less than honest with you. i suspected coming home was HIS idea.....because i still hold to the fact that he KNEW there were drugs at home (whether it was valium or baby aspirin), he KNEW, and he HAD the gear. and instead of saying prior to even leaving the center that there were drugs/paraphanalia at home and could you please remove them, he did not. why? because he was protecting his addiction at ALL COSTS.
YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT !! Last night in our session, he admitted that he knew the valium was at home. He knew he was going to use it when he got home, and he had been thinking about how much better he would feel once he took some of it. He already had talked about it with his doctor last week after he got caught, so it was only coming clean with me. He outright lied to me before he came home, because I had asked him (stupidly thinking he would be honest) if there were any drugs at the house because I would remove them before he came home so it wouldnt trigger him. He said he knew when I asked, and he lied to me. I had got afraid that when I asked him this triggered him to start thinking about using, but he was straight up and said no, he knew before I asked and he lied to me.
I know it shouldnt be but it is like a punch in the stomach. He outright lied to ME, all premeditated. Trust ? where did that go.
You know your stuff AH. Can you recommend any good books on setting boundaries? I am going to start taking therapy sessions more seriously, I am going to be going once a week now and I hope this will help me. I know I cant compare, but his parents never would have bought his lie, his mom would have turned the house upside down, brought in a drug sniffing dog and that house would have been clean. But with me, he just says no, and Im in lala land thinking all is swell while he is sitting in the floor shooting up.