Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
It was good for his soul to come home for a few days.
um, was it? shooting up drugs isn't exactly GOOD for the soul....I know I sound negative, but at this point what YOU think is best for him probably isn't...cuz you are still operating from that place of "normal" - how YOU would feel in his situation....
but you don't GET the addict part. the living breathing evil demon inside....when I respond, I respond as a former crack addict and blind drunk black out drinker. my husband is also a former crack addict....20+ years of using....we are both now 8 something years clean. I was a slathering drooling dope fiend.
now his parents are up to date. you can let that go. he is in rehab. you can let that go. that leaves....YOU. no matter WHAT he does, you HAVE to be able to take care of yourself! that is what is most important here. YOU. and understanding what you are up against. know your enemy.
wow thank you anvileheadII for your comments especially since yeah your right I dont know what it feel like to have the demon of addiction, and I want so much to understand his struggles but I cant, not fully. Somehow I dont think he would even want me to because it is too painful.
I do want to say though, it wasnt me behind his coming home for the weekend, he arranged it all and I agreed to it. First mistake according to his parents. The doctor said though it was good for him to come home, would have been better had he not used of course.
I sort of get the feeling that you are team his parents by what you said, they are up to date. Is that what you meant? Just me Im out of sync, not tough enough like they said? I dont know if I can get tough its hard for me. I was so angry, and look the anger has faded for the most part and Im back to he is sick, and agreeing with the doctor this will be a learning experience for him. I mean I still have anger, but I guess Im tucking it away??
I dont think Im at a place to say I will be fine if he doesnt get better and come home and get on with life, no more using. If he comes home and takes off and starts shooting up then I wont be fine. I cant live that way for long though but it will smash my heart to bits if I have to leave him. I wont be fine for a long time, probably never totally fine again because I love him so much.
Last night we had our first family session together and I got to see him for the first time since that happened, and I dont know I was nervous but then the counselor said first thing 'group hug' then clarified 'just you two, not with me' and once he had his arms around me then it was all better. I DIDNT apologize for most of what I said, but I did apologize for calling him a coward, and disgusting. I explained and the doctor helped me understand why I blurted those things out. Still digesting the whole session, but I came away feeling positive, and now today seeing how long the road is going to be and how Ive got a lot to learn. This is why people should probably RUN before they fall in love with someone who has ever had problems that bad. ?