I'm going through the same thing
And let me tell you this: I finally gave the idiot all the sex he could take just in the hopes that he would quit b****ing at me about it. Result? He took off work for two days (called in "sick") so he could get his fill of his "gorgeous, sexy" wife. He then undertook to go on one of his drunk-a-thons, so we didn't have the TONS of sex he wanted. Anyway, he was back to tearing the covers off the bed and stalking out when I wouldn't let him flop all over me and grope my breasts all night within a week after that, so my "Plan A" didn't solve the situation, which I should have had the sense to realize. (That was me buying into my codie behavior by trying to "fix" the situation by meeting his demands.)
Listen, if you gave him all the sex he wanted, he'd soon find something else you do or don't do to b**ch about. I've gotten the following complaints: (1) "You don't come to bed with me when I go to bed. How do you think it feels to lay there alone in bed?" - Hell, half the time he PASSES OUT in bed reeking of stale Scotch. A real turn on for me - NOT! (2) "You have different sleep patterns than me. You don't go to bed early and get up early." Yeah, so what? I also don't chew my food like you do, brush my teeth like you do, or pick my nose in public like you do - so what of it? Ever heard of RESPECTING differences between partners???? (3) "I drink to kill my sex drive." Yeah, and also to avoid true emotions, deal with life, etc., etc.
In my never-to-be-humble opinion, my AH has two needs: sex and booze. If I prance around in Victoria Secret costumes for him, let him take photos of me, play fantasy sex games, and become his drinking buddy he's in heaven. That's it. Period. Maturity level of an 18-year-old testosterone-laden adolescent. I woke up one day and realized that was his version of "true love" or "true hapiness." Sad, but da facts iz da facts.
Right now I have a real reprieve: with both my knees banged up from surgery I have to sleep sitting up on the living room couch. After the stiches come out, I'll just continue to sleep on the basement couch and watch t.v. If he doesn't like it, tough. Like you, I find sex comparable to eating a bowl of snot. Why the hell would anyone want to be emotionally intimate and loving with someone who is anything BUT emotionally intimate with them and talks to them like they're filth?
A's .... gotta hand it to them .... they want what they want, when they want it, and to hell with you or the rest of the world.
If I were getting the threatening overtones you're getting from my AH - and the emotional abuse too - I'd get out of the house. I know it's your house and you don't want to leave, but for the time being, going to stay with friends, going to stay with family, whatever, would be better than what you're tolerating. Any man who is physically forces you to submit to him sexually is raping you - whether it's your H or bf or a total stranger!