Intimidation
Being very blunt here..............
My H called on his break today.............he said he wants sex..tonight.........he said it has been 5 days or so............I quickly changed the subject.....I have absolutley no desire from him to touch me............he makes me sick..............I am still not over this past weekend, him just stating that or pretty much telling me that is letting me know that is what I am required to do.
I have an appointment for a lawyer.............grant it I havent shared that bit a news with him........because I am getting information right now.............but I have said to him I cant live like this anymore..........
The three days of hell and the two minute apologies, is not enough for me anymore.............he can behave any way he wants to..............I quit, I give up................just leave me the hell alone......
I am going to have to face him and face the truth sooner or later................the thing that pisses me off the most is his strength........he is stronger than I am by far.........(I am trying not to project this evening's events) I have never been physically raped by my h...............but I feel like I have been mentally raped by him many times..............
I most of the time always give in..............because of badgering, made to feel guilty, like it is my duty as his wife....or he gets verbally abusive, back to trying to reason, than back to verbally abusive...........than making me feel guilty.........than poking at me and pulling the blankets off of me..........of by getting so violent with his mouth...........he scares me like he is going to do more.....he will riducule me............he will tell me he is going to go elswhere.........or to go ahead call the police what are you going to tell them your h raped you...........just very mentally abusive...........no exxageration here.........he will continue to do that for a couple of hours................I will get less sleep, alot less...................
he was such an a***hole last weekend...............and we have barely spoken since then.....I do not have those feelings towards him............Like I said the thought of him touching me makes my skin crawl................here I go projecting again.............I have noticed a pattern with my H.........he gets very irritable on Friday and Saturday nights, intolerable...If I left every weekend and went up north.........that is not pheasable for me to be gone every weekend.
I am at a loss guys on how to handle all of this............