BlueChair,
You were swung a curve ball. Even though I knew my husband used drugs (oxi's) I had no idea it was heroin until 8 months after I left him. This was due to his behavior. Wrong things he has done. He came clean to me when our son was less than a week old. He FINALLY asked for help. Still, it's been 3 years of recovery. Because of my husbands heavy drug use in his family, it was our decision he left out of state to go live with family. He did well, held a job, and we had great communication over the phone. He moved back as I run a family business in my area. It's great importance for me not to move (which I have guilt over and shouldn't). He did this for 1 year in another state and then came home. We went on a wonderful vacation to Disney and then he was locked up from legal issues from his past (after having a year sober) After that over the last two years he has had 1 year sober total. Six months sober, six months using, 6 months sober ... six months using and then his last time deciding to get all his legal issues over with and complete his time in jail to be done with it. I'm encouraging him to go to a 14 month program about an hour away because I know it's his life and forever on the line. If he comes home, and the same stressors keep happening, he will relapse and possibly die (or want to die). Not that the stressors are my fault. They are not. IT'S HIS INSIDE ISSUES. So no matter who, or what or when.. it's bound to happen unless dealt with and the addict comes to realize they need help on the inside. It's a complex and unique disease to all who have it. I'm really sorry your going through all this. I deal with the same sort of judgment. I get blamed for thing which I know are not my fault. Parents like to place blame, because they are blaming themselves everyday. They probably have a lot of guilt. I know I blame myself... but why is it my fault?? It's not rational. Best wishes!!